Cadet Dae-Gun Kim | Learning through God’s Grace

Dae-Gun KimOne thing that I have been learning is how important it is for me to see myself in “painful honesty”[1] as I pray for my spiritual healthiness. During this semester, God often led me, while in prayer, to see myself “beneath the surface.” In prayer I have thought about two things, which are; 1) “developing an awareness of what I am feeling and doing,” and 2) “asking the ‘why’ or ‘what’s going on’ question.”[2] Through prayer, I discovered that my thoughts not only wandered in all directions, but that I started to brood on many negative feelings, feelings of dissatisfaction and worry. But at the same time, by God’s grace, I began to realize that this is me who God loves so much, and that this is also me that God wants to use in His grace and mercy. Moreover I came to know that nothing is without meaning – every detail, every word, every action and every feeling, even my anger, is part of my story. I began to send “the foxes back to where they belong in their foxholes.”[3]

Through my field practicum and readings, I came to know that “Self-care is not selfishness, but good stewardship”, and that in the story of God, we all are invited in as participants. Due to the fact that God loves us just as we are, therefore our roles are very important in His story, although we are not the main actors.

[1] Peter Scazzero, The Emotionally Healthy Church: A Strategy for Discipleship that Actually Changes lives, (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2006), 75

[2] Peter Scazzero, The Emotionally Healthy Church, 78-81

[3] Henri J. M. Nouwen, Here and Now: Living In the Spirit, (New York: The Crossroad Publishing, 2013), 17